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Book Description 
Tom was just a regular guy living a regular life in a regular city in Maryland, U.S.A. He had a regular job as a telemarketer. He had regular friends, like his gnome coworker and his dwarf gym buddy (well, they would have been gym buddies if they ever bothered to go). He watched regular t.v. shows, like the ANN Nightly News with Marty McGruff, the charismatic and adorable beagle reporter, and his gorgeous elf co-host Twinkle Starlight, who everyone said didn’t look a day over 290. And he had a regular girlfriend.
The last thing Tom expected when planning a road trip was that his girlfriend would dump him on the first day, leaving him to drive across the country alone. Alone, that is, until he picked up two hitchhikers: a dwarven woman named Bernaditta who was looking for Mr. Right (or at least Mr. Hairy) and a powerful, but not terribly bright, orc named Thrug who wanted to “learn civilized” in an attempt to liberate his fellow orcs and integrate them into modern society.
Tom had no desire to find Bernaditta a husband, and he certainly had no desire to emancipate the orcs (who, in his mind, were probably just fine where they were on the reservations), but sometimes it’s easier just to roll with the punches, especially when the one throwing them is a seven-foot-tall green brute.
Now Tom’s regular road trip might include a few small detours to see the sights or, maybe, stop a terrorist attack. He must find a way to get through the rest of it alive and preferably with all of his limbs still attached.
Main Characters 